Samstag, 1. Juni 2019

dear me

dear me,

take your time for growing flowers over the feelings in your heart. i know it's not easy. sometimes it's just not possible to feel good and loved and enough. i am sure you can accomplish a lot, not just the darkness. it has been so much in your live and it won't stop for you, but that's the thing. that's the power, the inspiration, everything that will help you through these weird moments.

remember, dear me, remember that you want to choose the bright place. sometimes the darkness is easier and it doesn't take so much effort, but the bright side will be worth it. don't end up at the bootom of a lake, wondering what is the great manifesto. don't drown in the 'too much' or 'not enough'. you can be so much more than that.

it has been a good time on this earth and i can imagine a thousand things i am grateful for. i can be more and more and more. i can't see a border, i can't see a way to stop me. i can be great, even if i don't feel like that. i know you can make art out of eveything. even the worst. the disgusting. the ashamed.

but dear me, please choose the light. you have been in a hole for enough time in your youger years. be the one, you asspire to be. be loved. and love. and know what you want, because it will form you and lead you and hold your hand through the darkness.

choose the light.

dear me,

choose yourself.

Montag, 8. Oktober 2018

being myself

couldn't you see how i was breaking? going backwards, every step by step. there is no love, if you can't trust. so couldn't you see how i was moving away, doing everything backwards. if you don't let me have my freedom, imma make you give it back. if you don't give me my time, imma take it from you. you can't control me, you never could. never is this going to work, so stop pretending and give me back what was once me. i lost myself in you, never got me back. never gonna be this person again and i can't say if that's a good thing. i am changing, can't you see? everything is too small. this city is too small. this body is too small. it can't hold me. my feelings need more space than a human body can give. set me free, i need to run. but couldn't you see the stress? couldn't you see what you made me do? i can't say i love you anymore, because it means nothing to me. it has been used so many times for the wrong thing and it's not real anymore. i wish i could always mean it, when i say i love you. but it's not my desicion who i love anymore. in a way you saved me. saved some days in my life. some weeks. but how can this beautiful feeling turn into something so wrong and sad? i don't wanna hear it. i don't wanna hear your sorry. i don't wanna hear, that you don't want to live without me. stop putting presure on me and let me be myself. i won't ever let it happen again. i don't want to be someone i am not.


und ich frage,
schenkst du mir liebe?
voller hoffnung,
und vertrauen,
wirst du mich verletzten?

als die stille drueckt,
hoere ich auf zu atmen.

und ich frage,
schenkst du mir sicherheit?
voller zuversicht,
und verstaendnis,
wirst du mich zerquetschen?

denn ich weiss,
ganz sicher,
ich bin es wert,
weil ich genug bin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

send me your angles,
give me your love,
i know i am worthy,
'cause i am enough. 

Dienstag, 15. Mai 2018

e a s y t o l o v e

Well I was the one who showed you the sky, 
But you brought it down, down to my thighs. 
Sadly believed every word
I didn't mean about loving darkness
And there it is now, he enters the room. 
It guts like fish to see how he's grown. 
So we go out onto the town to mess around. 
Ooh, get my groove on, mess around.
Well you were the one who thought it was funny 
That half of the world had never seen money. 
Shimmy-shuffle round, break it all down. 
It does never come to an end, as long as you can help yourself.
There it is now, she enters the room. 
It guts like a fish to see how she's grown. 
Saw me go blind, step out of line,
You know I can't help myself. 
When you get your groove on I go blind.
When you get your groove on I go blind.
When you get your groove on I go blind.
So, let me go out into the evil world that you know, 
Where my baby cries, but I cut the ties. 
Oh, let me go out into the sinful world that you know, 
That you really love.
Just let me be easy to love. 
Just let me be easy to love.
When you get your groove on, yeah I go blind. 
When you get your groove on, yeah I lose my mind. 
When you get your groove on the whole world goes blind.
So get your groove on girl, we'll go wild. 

Sonntag, 30. April 2017

Ich habe Angst, okay? Aber das hält mich nicht auf, nach dem zu suchen, was gut für mich ist.

Mittwoch, 4. Januar 2017

wie rettet man sich vor einem rückfall

Dienstag, 13. Dezember 2016

"Er kannte sie, kannte ihr Gesicht. Wusste ihren Namen. Sein Freund war ihr Bruder. Doch er ahnte nicht, was sie empfand. Sie schaute ihm ein letztes mal verstohlen hinterher, bevor sie für immer ging." 

- auszug aus dem buch, das ich nie schrieb